I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
