I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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