Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
