Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
