I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
