I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
