Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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