My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
