Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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