Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
