Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
