you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
