She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
