i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
