Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
