omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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