Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
