i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
