So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
