My friends, they love my intelligence
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
