Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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