There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
