Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
