Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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