All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
