dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize