I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
