Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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