he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
