im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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