Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
