Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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