You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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