I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
