I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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