I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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