Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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