it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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