Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
there's paper in my vomit.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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