Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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