hotel room ftw
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
one might say we're banned from that church
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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