Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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