I heard we made out
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
