I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
