Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
