can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dicks are not precious.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
