you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize