If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
