finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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