i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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