he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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