he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
