Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
