People in love make me want to vomit
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize