next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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