Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
