I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize