and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
