Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
