its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Girls should come with a carfax report
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize